im no longer living in my denial. he is not my perfect guy anymore, and if anything, he has got to be the last person i wanna to be with.
even thou ive make this decision to really move on, there is a tingling sadness and emptiness in me. 9 mths of intense and extreme emotions. well, imagine missing the "perfect" guy for 9 full months and then suddenly, you are determined enough to remove him out of your life.
this "perfect" guy had a bigger impact on my life than i ever imagined.
- he was a tiny part of reason why i broke up with my 2nd. it wasnt a stupid move, becos somewhere deep down, i know what i want. and subsequently i think i know myself better.
- quarreled with two of my bestfrens becos of him. i missed my bestfren's birthday dinner just becos i wan to be with him that day. i was insensitive to another good fren's feeling becos i was feeling lousy and emo-ish that day.
- i always spent the first few days of the holiday trying to "recover" from the mental drain. yes, including this holiday. but it wasnt that bad this holiday.
- i tried very very hard to lead a damn happening life during the last holiday to the extent where i tire myself very much. becos i dont want to lose to him. i must be more happening than him. but chey, he isnt that happening lor. lol. thats childish, but that was how i felt then. i kept telling myself that i must lead a damn happening lifestyle. hahaa, but honestly, i really had fun during that period of time lah. lol. so it wasnt that bad, but then again, i shouldnt have overdone it. not like he cared anyway.
its feels empty. it really does. feel empty. but after typing through this list, I FEEL DAMN HAPPY about moving on and stay TROUBLEFREE FORERVER. hahaha. sorry. my sad mood transform very fast to happy mood one. hahah
i still have a life of my own. christmas eve is the day im gonna be reborn (: