is there a word for human phobia?
thats exactly how i am feeling now.
all i wanna do is hide at home, and refrain from talking/socialising.

i hate socialising with new people everyday.
for some reason or another, im meeting new people every single day for the past few weeks. its damn irritating to start all the socialising nonsense. feel as if im damn fake lah. even my smile seem damn fake these days. i duno what im smiling abt, and all i noe is im smiling so that i look frenly, but i prob put more ppl off when i put on my fake smile.

thats why i cant be bothered trying now.

weekends burnt and im too lazy to tell u what i did. =x
sub comm cohesion on sat. i think i got to know like over 20 new people on that night. its damn horrible. i have a damn powerful memory when it comes to rmbing names and faces, but i cant be bothered to look at their face and make any effort in rmbing their names loh. i went thru the notion of knowing more ppl, making small and useless talks, simply becos im obligated. yes. i call tt obligation, socalising. its not even close to making friends.

i was secretly irritated when the chief came over and say " eh, jingying, ask your subcomm to mingle with the other sub comm leh. "

so. i choose to isolate myself from SOCIALISING WITH PPL.
today was kinda horrible. lunched with my PA people. i had to put on this fake smile and make useless talk to ppl ard me. i cant even find the right energy to feel high, den still must act cheerful kind. sick of it. i think it wont take long b4 ppl find out that im actually faking cos my expression cfm looks damn insincere lah. that hr of lunch was damn horrible lah. so, i took my bag, excused myself, and hide in the lib with diana. thank god i had diana for company else ppl will think im anti social. =x.

why is my life suddenly so full of all these useless shit?





FYI, i cannot stand walking alone in school. i think it looks damn anti social. sorry, but thats just my opinion. but thats beside the point of this entry. lol.